Published: August 30, 2015In only a couple of weeks I have told you about a few of the worst parts of my life. I've talked about my moms death, I've talked about my violent father and I've talked about myself. I think though, before I can go any farther, it's time to talk about my Brantley.
Having a baby is the best, hardest, most frustrating, complicated, exhausting, and most rewarding form of character building on the planet. I didn't have a problem free pregnancy and I do not have a problem free child. I mean, really. Is that even a thing?! Whatever. Even though it is so, so little compared to some of my other mom friends, I have learned a lot in the past more than nine months about people, about moms and about being a mom.
YOU WILL LOSE FRIENDS
It's crazy to me. Some people just can't understand why my kid is more important to me than them and their Saturday night plans. Look, I know that you can still do fun adult things and have a baby. I get that. If that's how you choose to spend your time well, AWESOME for you. Unfortunately, I am different.
I work Monday-Friday from 8:00AM-5:00PM. Do you know how many hours I spend away from my kid just to be able to provide for him?! That's a lot of time that I don't get to see him. That's a lot of bottles that I don't get to make. It's a lot of laughs that I don't get to hear. So with that, you also want me to give up my Friday and Saturday nights with him? No thanks. You are more than welcome to come over and watch Elmo in your PJs with us. We can even do dinner. Brantley loves to sit in the high chairs at restaurants but, if you're asking me to leave my kid with a babysitter because your plans don't allow for a baby, you can probably count me out.
You don't get that? You think I'm wrong? You don't wanna be my friend? Okay! No problem. See how easy that was? If you don't understand that Brantley is more important to me than you could ever be then we don't have any business being friends in the first place. You don't really sound like the kind of person that needs to be friends with a mom or a dad. You actually sound pretty immature and selfish. I sure do hope your friends don't all leave you when you have a child because God knows, I'm not answering that lonely phone call!
Oh, you don't plan on having a baby anytime soon? Lol. I've seen the way some of you live your lives. You're due for one any moment now!
YOU WILL SLEEP AGAIN, EVENTUALLY
Life is exhausting. Kids are exhausting. When you put them both together you're lucky if you can remember your own name. I was blessed enough to have what you would call an "easy baby." By that I mean that he has always slept well. He never wakes up in the middle of the night more than twice, if he wakes up at all. Even with that, I am so tired. I am always so tired. Thank God for B12 and coffee!
You will lose sleep but you will sleep again, soon. Although it is exhausting you will sleep. They say you won't but that's not true. You will sleep plenty but it will be different and it will come in all forms. Bedtime (sometimes), Naps and especially when Grandma and Grandpa want to borrow your little angel for a few hours or, if you're lucky, a whole night.
There have been times where I have slept for 10 hours straight without even the smallest of noises from Brantley and there are nights where he just absolutely refused to sleep until 1AM and then woke back up at 3AM wanting to play. You have to accept that. You have to be okay with losing a little something here and there. It sucks but it's not permanent. I told you, I am always exhausted but it's rarely from lack of sleep.
Let me just give you one small bit of advice though. Coming from the mom of an almost nine month old, if you ever have to choose between sleeping and cleaning, SLEEP. Always pick sleep. Like, literally ALWAYS.
IT'S NOT AS HARD AS IT SOUNDS OR AS EASY AS IT LOOKS
Brantley and I are quite an adorable pair in Walmart these days. I know you've seen us. We have it all together. I know you've noticed how my purse and wallet match perfectly with his diaper bag. We walk in the door and I sit him in the front see of the buggy and he's so well behaved. He smiles and laughs and he is just too cute. You noticed his Sperry's, huh? Everyone always does. They're a crowd favorite. He is always well dressed and all that hair is parted to the side, like a true gentleman. Me? My hairs straight as can be and I even managed to wear mascara. I wear heels for some trips. You're impressed, I know, but you shouldn't be.
You have no idea how hard Brantley just screamed during our 2 minute car ride to actually get to Walmart. What you also don't know is that I literally had to put those cute little shoes on him 3 times in the last hour because he hates them and he finds it hilarious to take them off and throw them. My outfit looks cute but really, the leggings and over sized cardigan were just a more than a convenient option and happened to be at the front of my closet. I put that makeup on quickly in the bathroom after I arrived to work late this morning because Brantley peed all over my first outfit and then I left his diapers at the house so, I had to make an extra trip back to the babysitters to drop them off. Brantley is laughing in the buggy because I'm giving him Blueberry snacks and he loves to take them out of his mouth and try to stick them to my hands and clothes. We do not have it together, at all, but we sure do put on a good show!
Don't get me wrong, it is hard. It is much harder than we moms make it look. Taking a baby to Walmart or really anywhere is challenging and difficult but it's easier than that just sounded. You learn. You grow. You adjust and compromise. Expect the worst, hope for the best and always take snacks and an extra outfit for the both of you!
IT'S OKAY TO BE RUDE (SOMETIMES)
Oh, hey strange older lady that I've never met or seen before in my entire life NO! No, you most certainly can not hold my baby boy. Side note: get your hands off of him, too. If I don't know you, if you don't know me, of course it's not okay for you to touch my child! No, you can't pick him up. I know he has a lot of hair. LEAVE IT ALONE. If you think Bridezillas are bad then you've never seen a Momzilla.
I know, I know, we are from the south. We say "bless you heart" and we wave and hug literally everyone, y'all do anyway. I'm not usually that friendly. Regardless, I know. Our Momma's "taught us better" and we have manners but guess what ladies, (and gentlemen, too if you're really still reading this), it is okay to say no and it is okay to be a little rude when weird pushy people invade your child's personal space. It's okay. It's fine.
Are you sick and tired of people telling you that it's too cold for your child to not have clothes on, in the privacy of your own home, when you just fought with him for 20 minutes and finally gave in and took off those silly jeans that you forced on him for a 5 second trip to the Dollar Store? Are you fed up with someone telling you that maybe your baby is a little too fat or too skinny?! Are you exhausted with people commenting on the purple sippy cup that your grandma accidentally bought your little boy because she thought it was blue and you just grabbed it in a hurry walking out the door to keep him from screaming the entire hour that you were about to spend grocery shopping?! SAY SOMETHING.
It's okay. They are attacking you and they need to mind their own business. No, that does not mean go write a sassy Facebook status that, that person will probably never read. SAY SOMETHING THEN AND THERE. Tell them that you and your child are not their concern. For the love of God, shut them up so that they don't come over to my buggy with that same nonsense. I am exhausted with having to teach all of these random strangers boundaries and I could really use some help here.
WORK WHAT WORKS
I have read so many blogs and columns and I've talked to so many different moms and, you know, as people like to do, they've all given their own opinions and advice. That's great. Sometimes it's actually good stuff, mostly not but sometimes and sometimes you try it even if it's not just because you're desperate. Let me just tell you, there is no shame in my mom game. If it works then I'm doing it.
If you love cosleeping and it helps you and your baby get plenty of rest at night GO FOR IT. If your baby is like mine and just can't get full from formula but baby food right before bed fills his little tummy and helps him sleep so well, DO IT. He's only 3 months old? Still do it. Ignore what they say. If it's not making him sick and your doctor doesn't see any health hazards from it then there's no reason you shouldn't continue.
Bottle feed? Breast feed? Cloth diaper? Huggies? Luvs? Walmart brand? Whatever. Whatever works for you and your baby and your family, you do that. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else and stop comparing everyone else to yourself. Every baby is different and every mom is different. Parenthood is hard enough, stop judging yourself and stop judging everyone else. Work whatever the heck works and don't be ashamed of it!
IT IS ALWAYS WORTH IT
Brantley can throw a fit like no other. He can go from certifiably happy to an all out, fully enraged, red faced tantrum in less than a second. He is constantly either in the act of or trying to eat the dog's food. I can not tell you the last time that I wore eyeliner and he pulls strands of my hair out on a daily basis. His favorite hobbies include, but are not limited to, pulling up on the entertainment center to turn off the xbox in the middle of the my favorite show that I haven't been able to watch in months, throwing my hand painted mason jars that I spent hours on into the kitchen floor, turning over and spilling any and all cups, bowls, and plates within his reach and drooling all over my iPhone and computer... and tablet... and like anything else I have ever owned.
I live in a madhouse and I'm probably already a little bit insane but I wouldn't trade it for the world. He is a little bit of a disaster but if you could just hear him laugh once you would understand. When it's bedtime and wraps his chubby little arms around my neck and mumbles "mama" until he's passed out it is so simple to know that nothing else will even trump this. Saturday morning Elmo and afternoon walks at the park are my life now and I've never had more fun. Brantley is MY soul mate and I will always choose him over anyone else. He's a lot of trouble... and I mean A LOT but, he's more than worth it and he always makes up for it with smiles and kisses.
Maybe this post was a little direct. No, this post was definitely direct but I won't apologize. I am real and if you can't handle that then you probably don't need to read my posts anymore. I don't write to offend but if you are offended then... Bless you heart, maybe there's a reason... I'm just saying? That was soft enough, right?!
I could go on and on and on and on about the ways that this child has changed my life. I'm a talker, I know, so we'll just leave it at this. He is exhausting and incredible. He is beautiful and he is perfect. He is everything and most importantly he is mine. Keep your opinions and advice where your hands should be ( to yourself, just in case you didn't learn that from your Momma) and I think I have made it more than clear that if you don't want to be Brantley's friend then you most certainly can't be mine. We're both okay with that.
To my mom friends, girls, Jill Churchill is a genius. Who is she?! I have no idea. Maybe we'll Google her and talk about her at on one our Chickfila meetings with our leggings and messy buns but until then just remember what she has said. "There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one."
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